On my quest to become a real adult, I’ve been trying to do something that most normal adults can do. Swallow big pills.
I learned how to swallow really small pills when I was 14 and I started taking birth control (before that I was mashing them up with a spoon and mixing them with water – ew. Or, I chewed them – ew, ew, ew). Those pills are unbelievably small and when I first started I actually had to put them in a piece of cheese and eat it. After about two weeks I was able to swallow them with water. Most of my friends can swallow theirs without any water, and I still can’t do that. I’ve tried maybe twice and I always end up chugging a bunch of water after because it feels like the tiny pill is stuck in the back of my throat.
Over the years I slowly graduated to bigger pill territory. Those circular red Advils have always been pretty easy for me, but not the long, skinny capsule ones, or the liquid gels. Everyone always says the liquid gels are so easy because they float, but I find them harder to swallow because I put my head back to swallow (I know this doesn’t really help, and in fact, probably makes it harder) so the pill floats the the front of my mouth instead of the back, and then I always end up swallowing the water first and the pill ends up going down with barely any water.
I am clearly ridiculous for not being able to swallow pills, and I’ve struggled with it my whole life. When I had to take capsule pills for a while in high school I was opening them up and just swallowing the tiny beads inside the pills.
Anyways, now at age 26 I can swallow pretty big pills, albeit with difficultly. I put them in my mouth and sit with the water and pill in my mouth for a least a minute usually before I get up the courage to go for a swallow. I tip my head back and just stand there waiting to be brave enough to go for it. I hold on to something for dear life and squeeze when I do take the plunge. Then I usually eat something to make sure they are good and down there.
I know, I am insane. But I’ve gotten a lot better.
But just now, I swallowed TWO of the biggest pills ever. Currently I feel as though they are lodged in my esophagus, even though I’m sure they are not. My chest hurts. I hope they made it to my stomach.
The thing is – why do pills have to be this big? And why do I need to take two? And why isn’t there a liquid format available? (I know there sometimes is, but this is what I had in my house. And no, I didn’t buy them!!!)
Fricken’ leave it to Buckely’s to have the hugest pills on the planet.
WHO CAN SWALLOW THESE THINGS?
I tried, and ok, I was successful, only because I’ve been suffering a terrible cold the past few days, and while I can deal with the runny nose and congestion, my head has been killing me. I’m sure it’s a sinus headache, but for the past three days I haven’t been able to shake it, and my head is literally splitting. But of course, it’s not enough that I had to take one, but I had to take two! And I will need to take two more before bed! Every 4-6 hours as needed! That is so often! And you can’t even opt to just take one if you want because they are conveniently packaged in little two-packs. UGH. The world is ready for a liquid medication revolution.
But hey, I’m becoming an adult! (My boyfriend said I couldn’t say that because I was wearing my pyjama bottoms with cupcakes on them, and my pill swallowing performance was too “dramatic”.) Whatever.